down the rabbit hole
When I was pregnant with Henry, I felt pretty great. The first trimester definitely had its fatigue and its nausea but nothing to really write home about. Balancing work and life seemed normal, in fact everything about pregnancy was easy and I felt very fortunate and blessed to be feeling so good with my first baby growing. Body pillows were not invested in, nor did I struggle with food aversions or sensitivities. I sat on my high-preggo horse and gleefully thought, "this is great!" and "What is there to complain about?" My labor and delivery went well, and Henry was a calm, easy-going newborn (and he still is as a toddler). Facing a second pregnancy was easy. Having not had any challenges, why wouldn't I embrace pregnancy number 2? I exercised throughout my first pregnancy and felt energetic until the very end. The hardest part had been waiting for my late baby to emerge but even that was fairly tolerable considering I wasn't 100% excited to actually go through the process of giving birth. My "trick" pregnancy convinced me that my body was built for birthing babies and I naively headed into pregnancy two with no care or concerns. Now.....I am down a bit of a rabbit hole.
As soon as I became pregnant, my energy was sucked out of my sails. I have not lifted a weight in who knows how long and my bedtime is promptly at 8PM. Now I cannot get too dramatic and say this is the complete opposite of Henry's pregnancy but it is definitely different. I have funny food aversions that spring up out of nowhere on me once I smell the food. Discomfort is also a new beast to confront. Somehow at 17 weeks pregnant I have incredible sciatica pain that shoots down my leg. Perhaps I need to motivate myself for some pre-natal yoga or perhaps I can convince David to splurge on a little spa day for me to get a pre-natal massage. I have gained weight faster and crave odd things: pickles all the time, mayo (just by itself, who am I?), cucumbers with Caesar salad dressing, Sriracha sauce on everything, and as many cheddar bunnies as I can cram into my mouth! This pregnancy also has been monitored more closely by my ob because I am having a thyroid issue and my red blood count is low. So if Henry's easy pregnancy = an easy baby....does this more intense fatigue, and physically draining pregnancy = a more intense (perhaps even colicky) baby?
We have a long way to find out, but I am hoping to have the energy to force myself out of this rabbit hole of woeful fatigue and discomfort and tackle a little more self-care around exercise that could maybe...just maybe get me feeling a little better. Of course, despite all of this and perhaps even because of it, I need to remember that this is temporary, this is beautiful, and this is my last little baby so even if he/she is sitting on my sciatic nerve, I will miss being pregnant in April.