The end of the year is upon on from school teaching and there is a huge part of me that feels like my excuse for neglecting my blogging capacity will dissolve. But thank you for sticking with me even as all I could muster these past few months has been a daily photo update. You deserve better and I want to write more of those contributions and I promise they are coming to you!
the weather is finally improving and my mental clarity is following in that directions as well.
So many days, so many memories. I love this capturing project. At first when I was starting this project in the winter, I was frustrated by it. But now that we are already 119 days into the 2019 year it actually feels nice to have settled into a routine/pattern to reflect for a moment on each’s day highlights real of our lives as a family. I am definitely glad I did not bail on the idea of the 365 project back in February when the snowy, dark days had me feeling tired because now this is an enjoyable activity and I cannot wait to print all of these for a family album at Christmas time.
This past week was a GOOD one
How do you sum up a year with the cutest and sweetest little boy? I literally cannot even process all the fabulous little memories this soul has brought to our family daily. But I will try to recall some highlights from the past year because he deserves to be showered with the intensity of love that he gives out. When I was pregnant with Henry, a colleague shared that the way in which her children were born illuminated a lot about their personalities. And while that might be us playing a little “Monday night quarterback” on what should be a much more complicated and nuanced view of our children, there might also be a dash of truth to this. Owen was born in a flash, before I knew I was in active labor he was practically in my arms and ready to face the world. When I use the word intense, I am using the part of the definition to reflect his strong spirit, independence, emotion. He will kiss and cuddle all day, every day. He will tenderly caress your arm or turn your face to his to have a conversation eye to eye. And all I want to do is squeeze him tight and snuggle him forever and he always game for that too.
He is loud. As in, I am curious if he struggles to control the volume of his voice kind of loud. Owen only has two volumes so loud you can hear him anywhere in the house or the whisper level of a butterfly. He will try to make you laugh every single chance he gets. He gets this little twinkle in his eye, shifts his gaze sideways, and curls his lips into a smile and you just know he has gone into his humorous mode. He loves his brother Henry so much and copies Henry in so many things. But he is starting to have his own opinions and preferences too. Where Henry is crazy for Ironman, Owen chooses Spiderman. Where Henry wants vanilla ice cream, Owen wants chocolate. This little three year old is turning into the foodie of the family too. He loves calamari with a passion, tries every sauce he sees, and enjoys veggies of all kinds and could eat us out of broccoli any night. Once you get him talking, he will take you on an imagination roller coaster sharing intricate and long-winded tales of magic and mischief but his favorite word is definitely poopy! If you ask him where he goes to school, he will tell you “Mema school” and he seeks to stay in his pjs all day if he can. He is learning to swim and definitely leaning into his more adventurous side these days, taking little playful risks jumping into the pool, riding his bike, and climbing everything he can at the playground. He is both parts of the old children’s rhyme: sugar and spice and everything nice and snips and snails and puppy dog tails. He is a ball of dirt and always has chocolate on his face, but he is sensitive and kind and will guarantee to make you laugh and smile in the most beautifully intense and joyful ways. If he has a hole in his pants, he will tell you it is because he is growing. He is a rockstar traveller and easy going in spirit. And if you want his attention promise him and cuddle and a snack and you have a captive audience. We love you, Owen and Happy birthday little buddy
I am not quite sure why I am struggling to write here. I think, in reflection, part of the issue is that I am spreading out too thin. It feels like I have gotten myself down to a single cell unit spread over a wide span of life. Talking with David the other day, I noted that I often feel so overwhelmed with trying to remember all the things for the different parts and needs of our life. I have post-it notes, and lists, and to-dos on so many different platforms right now and remembering where those are is a job! Trying to be efficient, inspiring and supportive in the classroom for 8 hours a day, then cooking a nutritious meal for dinner, playing with intention and focus with the kiddos, connecting deeply beyond a “How was your day?” “Good, you?” “Good,” with David, and then somehow also fitting in time to teach/expose H + O to how to ride bicycles, swim, know their colors and letters, and have robust experiences and grade papers and give feedback and design lesson plans for school, and try to build my pottery studio is often invigorating and defeating simultaneously. I try to remind myself that all of this is like the breathing process. You take a deep breath in and find wonder in how expansive you can get your capacity but then you breathe it out and contraction is an inevitable part of the process too. I am not sure where in that “in and out,” I am currently. Half of my head says “contraction” there is not enough hours in the day or sleep and rest being carved out, the other half is fighting against the contraction and hoping to suck in more and more air but is somehow gasping still. It is not like I can change very much though. I want to be all the things, but I think I need to revisit some of my structures and processes too or maybe it is more my mindset and just giving myself a mental break from time to time, like taking a bath or not listening to podcasts every drive in to work so there is a little space of nothingness in a full day.
Tens days have flown by in these parts.
Since transferring over to this blog, life happened big time! My school’s winter term ended, comments for students were due, grades had to be processed, laundry washed, groceries picked, and so so so many other things. Sometimes when life is busy, I let it wash over me and throw my hands up saying eventually I will find that pocket of time again to share on my blog. And it feels like the waves of the busy season have subsided enough to let me catch up just a touch!
When it comes to home decor, I am always so paralyzed. I know what I want to do, I have these feelings of the cozy I want to create in the space but then when it comes times to commit I stall. Anyone else have this issue? But after these cute little vases came out, I think I am going to throw lots of vessels of all different shapes and sizes to fill this mantle. What do you think?
It is heartwarming to come home to the Flash and Wonder woman busy busy teaming up together
Just this little guy being his usual goofy self
Before we know it, all this snow will disappear and it will be time to remind the boys what short-sleeves are!
They loved making the slime, but not playing with it!
a big bowl of greens and bacon for dinner
An old pup at sunset
Yesterday was a long day. I left the house at 6AM and came home at 8PM. Not seeing the kiddos is so hard on my heart, but I know there is a spring break coming soon when I will get to soak up their littleness. Since I never actually saw them, I don't have a photo from yesterday BUT I do want to share this super cute one taken by @lyndsayhannahphotography from our weekend playdate.
WHOA! I am never been so MIA from my blog. First, I want to apologize. The truth is that I was having a major writer's block, I have been feeling super overwhelmed, and have leaned into the 365 photo project as a way to keep me connected without having to commit to writing anything more than a sentence or two. The is for sure a hard season, for me and for many. The short days just send out strong hibernation vibes and the courses I taught this winter term were very demanding. Crushed under grading was the truth of it. This dynamic though was double edged. The students in my classes were curious, investment, high-achieving, and excited to learn which pushed me to raise the bar over and over again for them. I know, I know isn't this a teacher's literal dream? And, yes it was and is. But at the same time this meant more time crafting lesson plans, designing projects, and leaning into hard grading and feedback sessions. I stopped eating in the cafeteria in order to sneak in more time for grading and arrived to school an hour before classes and graded way past my bedtime. It was exhilarating but a bit disconnecting and definitely exhausting.
Most of these winter months felt hard to balance all the plates that were spinning around me. This impossible task of: being a wife, parent, daughter, friend, potter, and teacher had me thinking often of that story of the philosophy professor that has been shared throughout social media for years now:
One day a philosophy professor brought a large glass jar and some beautiful river rocks to class with him.
"Raise your hands when the jar is full," he instructed his students, and he began putting the big rocks into the jar.
Soon the lid would no longer fit, and all the students raised their hands to indicate the jar was full. The professor then pulled out a bag of smaller black and white pebbles and poured them into the jar. As the pebbles rolled down, they filled in the little gaps between the big river rocks.
The students smiled and raised their hands. This time the jar was completely full. Then the professor produced a bag of sand and began pouring it into the jar. When the sand had filled the tiny gaps between the rocks and pebbles he triumphantly placed the lid on the jar and asked his class if the jar was now full. They all clapped and agreed, “Yes, it is full!” At that point, the professor opened the lid and slowly poured two cups of coffee into the jar. The coffee completely filled the tiniest gaps between the rocks, the pebbles, and the grains of sand.
"Now, life is very much like this jar," he said.
The river rocks represent the most important things in life, such as your ethics, your family, your loved ones, your health. Even if you lost everything else, your life would still be full with these most important things in it.
The pebbles are the things in our lives that are pretty
important - but our happiness shouldn’t depend on them. Things like our job, house, car, etc.
Finally the sand represents everything else - the countless small, busy things in our lives. If we fill up our jar with sand first, then we won’t have any room for the river rocks or pebbles.
If we fill our lives with just the small stuff or the busy stuff, we won’t have any room or time for the things that mean the most of us.”
After a brief moment of silence one of the students asked,
"Professor, what does the coffee represent?"
"Ah, I’m glad you asked, replied the professor. "It means that no matter how full your life is, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend"
I am glad this season in which my coffee pot was overfilling feels like it is coming to an end. The afternoons are sneaking in some more daylight and I feel like a switch is flipping from winter survival mode into a more calm, create, breathe, and explore mode.